| (no subject) |
[Apr. 20th, 2006|08:25 pm] |
Situation update?
Fuck all to report.
Im too much of a coward to kill myself so i'll just keep dragging on shall i.
when is something going to happen to end this fucking torture?
every now and again i get so worked up that i lash out at something, today it was a wall tomorrow it might be a moving car.
Jesus Christ, someone help me before i do something stupid. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 17th, 2006|06:55 pm] |
Its a bank holiday Monday, 5 to 7 in the evening and i dont go back to College till wednesday.
Right now i should be sitting on a sofa watching telly and eating chocolate with my girlfriend while we hug each other and talk about any old crap.
Then at the end of the evening i should drive her home and we should have a very long kiss goodbye at her house before saying goodbye loads of times and i should drive home feeling all smug and looking forward to seeing her again as soon as i possibly could.
Right now i sit here on MSN, dreading tomorrow as its my last chance to do my holiday homework and ill be spending the whole day on my own drowning in loneliness and misery.
This is what i get... |
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| Back again |
[Apr. 14th, 2006|09:17 pm] |
You know the story by now; i swear to update lots, i get bored, something happens to make me update again blah blah sodding blah.
So i am updating again, but its not such a good thing, i just need a vent.
I feel like absolute shit, and i dont care if that sounds melodromatic because i do.
I cant eat
I cant sleep
I cant talk to anyone
Im a bastard.
I cant even bring myself to talk to my friends, i just want to crawl into a hole and die.
Melodromatic again i know, and im also aware that suicide is a serious subject and saying stuff like that is just immature.
But you know things are tough when you start to weigh up the misery that would be eliminated and the misery it would create. An emo person would say "no-one will miss me" well im pretty sure some people will so thats not the reason for wanting to die.
But spending every single day shut all alone in a house, occasionally going out in the evening and being surrounded by smily happy couples whos only contribution to the situation is "why the hell would you break up with Holly, she sounds great!"
Again, this is where an emo would say "no-one understands me" well quite the contrary, I have friends who have gone through this is some form or another and they have been very supportive but knowing that someone else has felt the way i do doesnt ease the pain.
Finally there is the guilt.
I behaved like a prick, i did something i swore never to do again, namely cheat on my girlfriend. Now not for one minute do i need to be reminded of how cruel, unfair and most of all hurtful that was. I know too well and now all i can feel is guilt and remorse for doing it.
I dont throw the word "Love" around freely, i think its a word with a lot more meaning than most people credit it with. I also know that feeling depressed because of a girl doesn't mean you're in love with them, just that they mean a lot to you.
But if someone were to ask me whats up with me at the moment i would probably say i am in Love. and it hurts.
I dont know what this update has meant. I take comfort in the fact that the few people who know of it are unlikely to read this for a number of days, maybe even weeks.
but when youre sat alone at home with no-one to talk to and despair overcoming you, words on a screen mean more than youd think.
Don't feel sorry for me, i dont deserve that. But i wish i did. |
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| Hello folks |
[Feb. 5th, 2006|08:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Boris Johnson on t'elly | ] |
Everning all, sorry i havnt updated for a while but there ya go, c'est la vie.
Twas Bens poker night last night which was lovely, i lost £1.45 going all in with a pair of twos...
go fish!
Unfortunatly i had to leave Bens at 9.30 in order to get to work in time and i am, therefore, totally and utterly knackered. Plus i have to get up in time for a morning seminar tomorrow. Oh fucking joy!
on the plus side, channel 5 are showing Moulin Rouge tonight which is way up high on the list of my favourite films (thanks to Jenny for forcing me to watch it)
speaking of films, my brother went to camden yesterday and came back with Blade Trinity, Team America and Anchorman, I thoughrally reccommend all these films as each one is brilliant in its own special way.
I will skirt round the recent relationship issues ive been having recently purely because they dont belong on an internet blog (well, its not a MySpace so emo is not compulsory!)Lets just say i am happy and single at the moment.
Tomorrow afternoon will be fun, Omar, Faye and I are recording some more scenes for Omars Media project, im just glad that i get to use my car (i'll be famous i tell you!)I cant wait to play the part of the creepy pervert...
Well thatll do for now, im only updating to satisfy Omars blog hUNgER. (1337 type spelling intentional...)
I would leave with a quote of the day but instead i shall leave you with "a really sick cartoon/joke of the day"
Mwahaha!
Paul. |
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| Evening all |
[Jan. 30th, 2006|07:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Chrsi Isaak - wicked game | ] |
Hello folks, update time since there has been a slight delay in them.
Actually, not much to update except that its my good friend Bens birthday tomorrow and because he cant read this i can tell you that i got him a proffessional poker texas holdem set. Nice eh. Now we can play using real chips rather than M+M's for currency.
Today also saw the biggest Oz rehersal yet, with many of the minor parts coming along for a reading. To be honest im still not impressed by so many of the characters considering they have the important job of the first impressions of the play. The audience dont want to be bored stiff for the first 15mns or so. Meh, nevermind.
Oh thats right, i did a bit of filming today for Omars media project. Had to do some Emo views of a guy (me) walkign along dragging his hand along the railings of a fence. It was very good, if a little short, the story is due to develop though and we discover that my character is a sinister weirdo obcessed with some girl. Lovely.
Other than that i dont have much to say, except "oh shit im meant to be making ben a birthday card!!!" which i have just realised.
quote of the day? hmm... its gotta be...
"He's stealing the camera!"
"well, he is Asian..."
im not racist.
Paul.
edit: ooh, better quote of the day...
"Yeah Baloon prices are ridiculous these days... What with inflation and everything..." |
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| Hello all. |
[Jan. 26th, 2006|04:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  gloomy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Dexies Midnight Runners - Come On Eileen | ] |
Well its been a crazy, mixed up day really, had a big domestic with Holly which uncovered some nasty stuff. We both said some bad things but we're ok now.
not that you care much, so moving on.
Im loving my art project at the moment, im studying vectors which are basically these...
funky no? (sorry about size)
So im going round school lots taking pictures of people on my phone so i can vector them, sounds a bit sinister doesnt it? *evil grin*
The chorus auditions for Oz were today, not that im too interested, they are but minor parts and i shall not be affiliating myself with them *puts nose up*
Its very hard to write an update when youre being pressured to *cough* OMAR! *cough*
so i shant say much more, except maybe a QOTD
"you've been masturbating havnt you?"
"how could you tell?"
"youre smiling!"
(overheard between two of my friends in the upper 6th)
Paul. |
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| Hello all |
[Jan. 25th, 2006|09:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  complacent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | pet shop boys - its a sin | ] |
sorry for a petite gap in updates but i have been fairly busy.
so yes, this week has seen singing practice for Wizard Of Oz developing well, ive sung my own song a few times now and am enjoying it thoughrally.
On that note, it would appear that omar has been doing his research and might possibly get obsessed with something other than LOST for a while, oo-rah!
On Monday i had a poker night round my friends house, it was brilliant fun, we all put in one quid for the kitty and had about £2500 worth of chips each. I promptly lost all my money plus my car, house and left leg, gambling is a cruel mistress. But what a great evening i had.
Tuesday was shit, i did nothing.
Today saw me going into school for the morning, having to fill in a questionnairre during seminar (a waste of bloody time that was, i can tell them myself that i hate collingwood, i dont need to write it on paper!). When i returned from the classroom i found everyone playing Poker with skittles as currency, i sat down and started to advise people on how to lose all their *money*. As soon as someone won we all grabbed as many skittles as we could, good times folks, good times.
So now i sit here after having worked for 2 straight hours (thats 1 and a half gay hours) on a piece of artwork which will no doubt be dissmissed as crap by my art teacher tomorrow, we shall see.
Right, so now youre up to date, whoever you are, all thats left is a quote of the day...
"so you either need another 3 to give you two pair, or you can hope that the turn and the river both turn up clubs, in which case you'll have a flush with the chance of a pair of sixes as well..."
".... GO FISH!"
Paul. |
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| well |
[Jan. 22nd, 2006|11:49 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Status Quo - rockin all over the world | ] |
what a fantastic night out!
The panto was hysterically funny and brilliantly performed. the set was incredible and the actors were great.
Yeah. it was really good :-)
So now i wake up at 11:30 in the morning to a phone call from my boss asking if i can work more than i orginally intended today. Well its lucky i was still in a good mood from yesterday night, so naturally i said no. Then she sounded more desperate so i said yes.
So in an hours time i leave for work and wont be back until sometime gone 4 apparantly. Welcome to the suck :-(
Oh well, nevermind, no more exams this week, just hardcore Oz rehersals and after last night I am definatly in the mood for them!
oh yeah , something ive been meaning to mention. Thankyou for all the comments from my old friend Joe who has apparantly re-discovered my journal, it was nice to hear from you mate.
Well i cant think of anything else to leave you with except quote of the day, and this time it simply has to come from the pantomime, here are a couple of my faves...
"as a french woman once said... all i want is a-peniss..."
"you right pair of cuntstables..."
"you can take a tumble in my dryer any time you want..."
oh... and one from ben...
"she has.. *frantic gestures, whispered voice* quite big breasts!!"
Paul. |
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| Hello you all everybody |
[Jan. 21st, 2006|02:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Something Corporate - Walking by | ] |
Afterning folks.
Only an hour or so before Holly Ben Faye and I go to the theatre in London to see the play :-D
My exams we're a pain in the arse. Well, when i say "exams" i mean trying to do my exams when all i can hear is the sound of Jennys maths class talking and shouting and laughing really loudly, grrr!
Nevermind. at leats theyre out of the way now.
So anyway, last night a big group of us went to "The Big Apple" in Woking and played Lazer-quest, its always a good laugh, especially with heavy influences from Jarhead, e.g, Omar running around going "ooooooo-fucking-raaaah!"
After we'd done that and gone to WankDonalds i got a lift home with Omar, but decided to join my brother and some friends down at the pub in Camberley. We had a lovely evening chatting and drinking and then went back to one of the girls houses for tea and coffee. marvellous.
Well, marvellous until 3am this morning, about an hour after we crawled in, my brother has to leg it to the bathroom and vomit everywhere, heh, stupid boy! one too many Guinessess i feel.
So right now i should probably go and get poshed up for this evening, im genuinly excited about meeting Hollys dad, he sounds like a great guy but i dont know what he'll think of me, better switch on the charm (yeah i know, its never switched off ;-))
So that is all that needs to be said, ive been wracking my brain for a quote of the day and the best i can come up with came from yesterday night. Thankyou Faye for providing me with...
"No, not pressyfit! PUSSYFOOT!"
Paul. |
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| Awight folks |
[Jan. 20th, 2006|11:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Reuben - some mothers do ave em | ] |
Howdy ya'all.
Erm, its been a funny kind of morning, despite my plan to sleep in then revise before my exams i found myself awake at 9 o'clock unable to go back to sleep.
therefore after an hours worth of revision i needed a break so i went into camberley to buy a memory card for my phone. Lovely.
So after some driving around and haggling for prices i got me a memory card and set off home only to find that half of camberley is being dug up and there was a 4 minute wait between turns on the traffic lights. Welcome to the suck i guess.
So now i sit here in anticipation of those 2 exams which might help me claw my way towards a pass grade, oo-rah! Well, im actually going to go in early and sit with tom and omar for a bit discussing manly things as we normally do.
Holly has sent some photos from new years, theyre very good, its almost a shame that i have a crudely drawn moustache and beard because there are some lovely ones of me and my friends which i may have to print off for my noticeboard.
Oh i'd almost forgotten, we're all meant to be going into woking this evening to go bowling or play laser-quest! joy! AND tomorrow im going to see a pantomime with Sir Iain Mckellan (or however you spell it... lets call him Gandalf) so between us, the group have seen pantomimes with two members of Lord Of The Rings in them! Oo-rah!
there can hardly be a quote of the day since ive been in solitude for the best part of it so i'll probably end up updating tomorrow morning, hopefully with some decent quotes from tonights activities.
Edit: we have a quote of the day! Thankyou Omar for...
"he was also jewish... nice... i like a jew every now and again..."
Till then, wish me luck.
Paul |
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| Oo-rah! |
[Jan. 19th, 2006|07:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | nervous | ] |
| [ | music |
| | reuben - keep it to yourself | ] |
Hello folks.
Well im sitting here listening to music from my new phone, yay!
I am also bricking myself about the two PE re-sits i am taking tomorrow. God help me, if i couldnt get it right first time what am i meant to do now?
welcome to the suck Paul.
I would also like to re-enforce omars sentiments regards Faye in the school play. She is a clear talent that has been cruely over-looked. sometimes i think Mrs Roberts is completely mental. Thankyou for your lovely email Faye, Its what friends are for innit.
Ok, soppy stuff over.
Went to see Jarhead yesterday (hense title of update being "oo-rah") excellent film in all respects, made me think an awful lot about what is going on out there in bongo bongo land.
A great amny new phrases etc have come from this last week ("memes" as i shall refer to them) for example, the car journey on the way home saw me and omar constantly laughing in a mark naylor sort of way much to the amusement of faye and jenny.
Equally, after toms watching of "Bareback Mounting" we have developed the old "ptuu" spitting on your hand gesture. this is a very sexual move and can be used very appropriatly to emphasise a particular point within a sentence.
finally two phrases from Jarhead "oo-rah": a general exclamation of encouragement or manly cheer, and "welcome to the suck": a phrase now adapted to be said after any complaint of general moan. Example.
"aw man, ive got two really hard exams in a row today!"
"ooh, welcome to the suck"
"s'alright, im a man and shall therefore cheat in both of them"
"oo-rah!"
thassall folks. quote of the day, well last night...
"I can see him now, sitting at home, "ah hahahaha-ah-haha... get me more Tory juice mother!"
Paul. |
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| Hello folks |
[Jan. 17th, 2006|12:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  curious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the silence of the media room | ] |
Right now im sitting in the media classroom in school attempting to do some drama coursework, however i cant seem to motivate myself so im doing my lovely livejournal instead.
I only have two lessons today but at lunch i will be having my first singing practice with mrs Ramskir, which should be quite good fun/very embarrasing.
the third principle callbacks for the production are on after school. I think i'll turn up just to see who gets what (and to bitch about a few of them obviously.
Oh yeah thats right, Ben handed me a script for the Gay team today. Ive got to admit its pretty funny despite the raving homosexuality involved. Bloody Bummers. Speaking of which, Tom went to see "bareback mounting" which, he informs me, is a film about bumming which lasts 2 hours and has nothing but dry assrape in it. Whatever floats yer boat tom...
Poor old omar has the flu. Im keeping away from him, he's unclean now...
I've really got nothing to do at the moment, i mean sure if i was organised i'd be doing my drama coursework, but organised is one thing i aint.
Oh thats what i was going to say, ive started a new cartoon strip called "Grobble" i can put him up on my msn space if hes a success, i would post him here but then the blog police would come and kill me with sticks. Big sticks.
and on that abuse by the authorities note i shall go. Er, quote of the day, um...
"Ive got to admit its pretty funny despite the raving homosexuality involved." didnt see that one coming...
Paul. |
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| hello |
[Jan. 15th, 2006|10:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | telly - some film with jet li in it | ] |
Bonjour mes amis.
Je m'appelle Paul, j'habite dans un petit poubelle.
Anyway, god im surprised i could remember all that, its been nearly two years since i forced to do french. Bloody foreigners.
Well joy of joys, my brother has finally fixed the computer.
"but Paul, you didnt say it was broken" i hear you cry
"wells" says i "it wasnt properley broken, juts flooded with junkmail, spam, spyware and viruses" must be all that H4rdC0r3 Pr0n i look at, lolz!!!!!22!1211211eleventyone!!"
I now have mozilla firefox which is the much better than Internet Explorer i can tell you.
So tomorrow sees yet another fun week at school, with coursework in Drama and PE along with a PE exam at the end of the week. *cries softly* what did i do to deserve this? i want to be an art student for gods sake!
*strops around for a bit*
*sigh* anyway, do i say anyway too much? i think i do...
Anyway, i shall be dissapearing up to bye-byes soon. So i shall leave with the quote of the day... its a joke what i made up innit.
"One conjoined twin turns to the other and says "what are you doing tomorrow?" the other replies, "same as you..."
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Paul. |
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| Weather, bah! |
[Jan. 14th, 2006|04:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | gloomy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Darts on t'elly | ] |
Another grotty day in little 'ol camberley.
Today involved taking photos of my car for my insurance documents, it wasnt until i took a photo of the inside i realised just how filthy she is in there. So as soon as the weather is good enough im going to attack her with a hoover and duster. "chaaaaaaaaaaaaarge! bzzzzzzzzz *sucking noises...*"
Anyhoodlydoodle.
Brilliant news! Mum has brought me a kazoo! what the hell possessed her to do this im not entirely sure, but they are perhaps the best instrument ever invented! Bar none! not even the soozaphone! exclamation mark!
Dear God its dark already. stupid winter *grumble moan frostbite mutter*
So yeah, im working tonight, 6:15 onwards incase you cared. Swim party! oh goody gumdrops! Little brats splashing me with water while i get bored off my arse watching them swim about. Sometimes my job can be pretty fun, playing about on bouncy castles and roller skating and things, but honestly, who wants to get paid for standing by a pool while people jump in and out.
Michael Barrymoore i suppose... *BADUM TISH!*
Seriously though folks, ive run out of things to say, my thanks go out to Omar for constantly providing me with quotes of the day, so i'll leave you with this...
Me: Whats up with you?
Omar: Flu... or, spider powers developing.
bless his geeky heart.
Paul. |
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| Ello |
[Jan. 13th, 2006|09:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  geeky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Reuben - Blamethrower | ] |
yes its a late evening update! I attempted to update this morning but after having accidentally closed this box TWICE! i gave up and went to college.
It was a funny sort of day today, only had lessons 3 and 4 and even then lesson 3 was cancelled. So then me omar jenny and tom started to think up ideas for "The Gay Team" a homosexual parody of The A-Team which we intend to record over the summer hols (we always say we'll record something but never actually do!) It should be a larf providing we do it.
well im working both days this weekend, hoo-bloody-ray, i think with the amount i'll have earnt by the end of january i wont need to work in february! yeah i wish.
Anyway, rehersals for Wizard Of Oz are seeming pretty useless right now, i mean we cant even realisticly practice in the drama studio cos its so different to Kingston stage! Plus i should really learn my lines. I mean, acting with a script in your hand is not only very unproffesional but it really gets in the way.
Right, well i suppose its a little late in the day for anyone to read this before the weekend so i'll bid thee all goodnight and have a swell weekend
QOTD = "Jenny can you put this drink in your bag? I cant go in the shop with it cos im asian and they'll think i stole it!"
Paul. |
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| 1 hour till lost |
[Jan. 11th, 2006|09:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | mellow | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Dave Dee Dozy Beaky Mick and Titch - The Legend Of Xanadu | ] |
YEs folks only 60 minutes (ish) until the finale of LOST, which i have seen anyway thanks to Omar so theres not really going to be any surprises.
So yeah, i worked for a few hours today and earned £30. On the way home i filled up with petrol which cost £20. Damn.
So now Faye definatly knows about this livejournal, that brings the grand total of people who read up to... 2!
Tomorrow is going to be fun, ive got 2 lessons in the morning followed by two frees then in the evening im going round Hollys as she has been assigned baby-sitting duties and needs some company *wink wink nudge nudge*
sorry that was unnecessary.
Yay! dad has just finished attaching wing mirrors to my car, so now i can see whats behind me, quite useful im sure youll agree!
anyway, enough rambling, i need to settle down so i can lounge about while watching LOST. Crikey this entry took 15 minutes to write, i mustve got distracted... im not sure what by... hmmm... *procrastinates*
anyway, youve had your quote for today so i dont know what youre hanging around for!
Paul. |
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| Meep |
[Jan. 11th, 2006|03:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cranky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | darts on telly | ] |
why do I always seem to update just as I'm about to go somewhere?
20 minutes until work this time, well, not work as such, teaching a bunch of little people to trampoline a bit better. the pay is tops though.
I went round omars after my lessons today, we played lego starwars and then Battlefront two and you know why? It's because we are cool, well, luke warm maybe...
Dammit, hasn't even been a week and I need to fill up my car again. thats it im not giving any more little rides to people who dont really need them, either that or im charging a £2 entrance fee to step foot inside my car.
Bugger, work looms ever closer.
i'll go now then but i shall leave you with a quote of the day (thanks to Omar for saying this one...)
"I honestly never thought there would be a song about date rape..."
Paul. |
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| Will this day ever end? |
[Jan. 10th, 2006|02:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  boooooooooored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | inane chatter - Des and Mel | ] |
Back again. Christ what i dull day! everyone at school has exams so theres no-one about! My one lesson was dull dull dull, i think my brain made a half decent attempt to escape through my nose such was the tedium.
Infact, even this entry is dull, because its such a dull day!
DEAR GOD, SOMEONE MAKE SOMETHING INTERESTING HAPPEN! *lies back and waits for the nyphomaniacs to come flying in through window*
damn you god.
Its also one of those dull days when you dont feel like doing anything to end the boredom. I mean, i could be doing some revision, or homework or drawing or cartooning. But no. I'm sitting here watching Des and Mel (which is stereotypical daytime Tv at its best) and staring blankly at the screen while i try and type something interesting/amusing/smelch.
Equally i could go into camberley and pay in a few cheques, have a coffee maybe buy a new cd. But i dont want to leave my comfy warm house.
I've had days like this before, the only reason im dragging this entry out is because i wont know what to do when ive finished writing it, and as far as im aware only one person reads this (so far)
Oh well, i'll go and play playstation or re-arrange my underwear or something productive
Catch ya later, oh and...
"...i think my brain made a half decent attempt to escape through my nose such was the tedium." |
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| smelch |
[Jan. 10th, 2006|09:48 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ultravoxx - Vienna | ] |
well what the hell do you know, said i would update again yesterday and didnt! thats so me!
Turns out i have a social life sometimes and it wanted me to drive round to my friends house last night.
Anyway its 10 minutes before i head off to college for my 1 lesson today, isnt life a chore? So this, sort of, and emergency backup incase i cant be arsed again. I've done a little advertising of this particular blog bu there's not many people who care, hah! Besides, i was lucky to get one reply to my first update.
Bah. 8 Minutes. Someone shoot me?
Paul (quote will come later, its only 9:52 in the morning and i havnt said anyhting particularly funny yet.) |
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| Day 2 of update fest |
[Jan. 9th, 2006|11:13 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Reuben - It's all about control | ] |
Right, im sitting at home, its quarter past 11 and im drinking Baileys cos im bored (im such a man) i've got some heavy metal on and am sitting in my chair quietly rocking.
Life could be worse i suppose.
Haha, i just saw an advert for "clear blue: digital ovulation check" im not exactly sure why i find that funny, answers on a postcard please.
I've said it before, you can think of loads of stuff to say when youre in school or lying in bed but not when it actually comes to typing them up. Meh.
Weather is piss. I mean really, earth is gods urinal at the moment, its dark and drizzly and miserable weather. Which sucks. I might go driving later, i love it, piss weather or not, i love the freedom it gives me.
The big question on my mind is do i go back into school for lunchtime or have another hour here and go in at 2pm... ah well im sure i'll decide on something
ciao for now, oh yeah, the quote thingy...
i thought "I mean really, earth is gods urinal right now" was pretty good.
Paul |
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